Mother's Day just came & past.....this year somewhat have stirred up some mixed feelings..... In a way it's bittersweet cos many things have happened between my late mum & me (mostly unfortunate misunderstandings which only really got somewhat resolved around the time she was dying from cancer).
I heard the song that she sang to me when I was only 3 or 4 at mass last week (she never sang to me after that age as far as I can remember)...."God is dwelling in my heart". Although she singlehandedly raised me up, ultimately, her role switched from that of being a nurturer/caregiver to that of just being a provider. In many ways, she took on a traditional role of a "dad" more than a "mom" to me.
As such, to me, mother's day has been for some time been more to thank my grandma more than my mum cos my grandmother became my nurturer & caregiver.....she held me when i fell down, she nursed me when i was sick, she was my mentor, my guide, the one I could always count on....she is also the one now lying in a hospital bed at SGH.
It pains me to see my grandmother this way. The rational me knows that at this grand old age of 95, she will leave me at any time. But this reality hits harder when I see her lying on that hospital bed instead of being at home with me. I am sure when the time comes, I will not be "ready" for it....
